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Desperate Households
Dealing with Stress and Tension
Prov.
15:13-25
We have right in this room
some great examples of marriage for our young couples to pattern after.
joke--Bob asked
v. 13
sorrow
15
afflicted
16
trouble
17
hatred
18
strife
22
disappointed
These are all synonyms for
stress and tension. They
represent those times when the string gets too tight…and then it snaps!
These are stressful times
in which we live. And almost
everyday you hear about another home where the string has snapped.
For example: did you
know that an act of domestic violence is committed every 15 seconds in
We used to say it’s a
jungle out there. Now we’d have
to say, it’s a jungle in here!
Stress in a home is like
sand to machinery, and a marriage which should be smooth and efficient,
instead begins to slowly grind away!
So, how do we reduce
stress and tension in the home?
1.
Learn
to Laugh
15:13, 15
Proverbs 17:22
22
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken
spirit drieth the bones.
What is a broken spirit?
Well, the spirit of a man is the wellspring of life, and when the spirit is
broken, it means you’ve lost your zest, your enthusiasm, and you’re tempted
to give up.
Laughter is a gift God has
given to us, to release tension, and to keep our spirits from being broken
in this sin-cursed earth.
According to this verse, it’s one of God’s ways of keeping us healthy,
emotionally and physically.
Medical science has proven that when you laugh, chemicals and enzymes
are released in the brain which are extremely important to the health of our
vital organs.
Listen to part of an
article from a secular magazine called Executive Digest:
“Scientists have been studying the effects of laughter on human
beings and have found, among other things, that laughter has a profound and
instantaneous effect on virtually every important organ of the human body.
Laughter reduces unhealthy tensions, and relaxes the tissues, as well
as exercising the most vital organs.
Laughter, even when forced, results in a beneficial effect on us,
both mentally and physically.
So, the next time you feel nervous and jittery, indulge in a good laugh.”
I don’t think I could ever
possibly deal w/ the stresses and pressures of the ministry if home were not
a fun place to be. Kimberly
will vouch for the fact that most of the time our home just rings w/
laughter…once in a while there are other sounds!
But there’s just something wonderful in the air there…
This girl [my wife] gets
giddy every night at 9! You
say, I thought she was giddy at church!
No, at church, she’s a “Goth” compared to home!
And the kids pick up on
our spirits and join right in…they don’t even know what they’re doing
sometimes, but they love the spirit!
And our home is a place of laughter, a place of “playing”, games,
jokes, chasing, walks, piles of leaves, etc.!
ill.--chasing around the
circle
3
things you ought to give your children:
·
Life
·
Love
·
Laughter
3
rules you ought to have for your home:
·
Be
fair
·
Be
firm
·
Be
fun
Learn to laugh…don’t take
things so seriously…lighten up!
Parent's responsibility:
to create an atmosphere in the home where the children can easily
choose the right paths in life.
2.
Cultivate Contentment
15:16, 17
vegetable plate/filet
mignon
We try to have too much
too quickly...we want everything our parents got over several decades, and
now...on credit! The devil is
heaping stress upon us and we need to remember things won't make us happy.
ill.—dad pulls up to
little frame house in old car/kids run to meet him/enters: smells aroma of
fried chicken, ocre, etc./no tablecloth, just placemats, no china, just
mismatched dishes…some chipped, stainless steel silverware, paper
napkins/dad reaches out and they all hold hands, he thanks God for their
love and the food/amen…and dig in!/not in a dining room, just kitchen, but
it rings w/ laughter/they tell about their day: hit homerun, dog chewed hair
off my dolly.
...contrast this with a
mansion w/ white columns out front, dad pulls up in BMW, kicks cat out of
the way. No one comes out to
meet him, they’re all in their rooms watching their private TV’s, playing on
their X-Box or Nintendo/time to eat…long formal dining room, china, crystal,
cloth/servants bring out ors d oeuvre’s, appetizers, soup du jour, salad,
smoking roast./Dad eats as fast as he can, preoccupied, thinking about
work/Mom has a face like a hatchet, she just knows he’s messin’ around w/
that
Which of these homes would
you like to have? The first!
Not saying it’s impossible to have both, although it’s not common to
have both.
Let's not play pretend.
It does no good to come here and gather around the Lord's table if
all you do is bicker around your kitchen table!
If you want to have a
happy home, you have to cultivate contentment.
Live w/in your means.
Financial stress will kill the spirit of a home…you don’t need that.
Our children need more
love and less technology.
"On the information
superhighway our children are the roadkill!"
“Better is a dinner of
herbs…”
Don’t even get on the
treadmill of materialism, it doesn’t take you anywhere! (if only we had a
bigger, nicer house, newer car…no, if you’re not happy w/ what you’ve got
now, you wouldn’t be then, it has nothing to do w/ it.)
We're supposed to love
people and use things, but many of us love things and use people.
Phil. 4:11
Not that I speak in
respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to
be
content.
I Tim. 6:8
And having food and raiment let us be
therewith
content.
Heb. 13:5
Let your conversation be
without covetousness; and be
content with such things as ye have.
We are blessed w/ a nice
house, and some nice things…modest, but nice…but you know, we’re no happier
than we were in that 2 room apartment, driving that little Cavalier with
180,000 miles on it! We’re
thankful for what we now have, but we know it doesn’t bring happiness w/
it…it’s all wood, hay, and stubble!
In Luke 12:15, Jesus said:
Take heed, and beware of
covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things
which he possesseth.
I Tim. 6
6
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
7 For we brought nothing into
this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.
8 And having food and raiment
let us be therewith content.
9 But they that will be rich
fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts,
which drown men in destruction and perdition.
Cultivate contentment!
I know many people today
have to work 2 jobs, and many hours, just to make ends meet…that’s ok, I’m
not talking about making a living, and providing the basics…I’m talking
about the tyranny of things, that prompts some people to go out seeking more
money to buy more things, or to pay off what they already bought on credit,
when they should be out in the yard teaching that boy to throw a baseball,
or reading that book to that girl.
But many have to keep up
w/ the Joneses’…we buy things we don’t need, w/ money we don’t have, to
impress people that we don’t like!
And singles can be content
to, and focus on the advantages!
So,
learn to laugh, cultivate
contentment…
3.
Alleviate Anger
Proverbs 15:18
18
A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow
to anger appeaseth strife.
Proverbs 14:17
17 He that is soon angry
dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.
Proverbs
18:13
13 He that
answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame
unto him.
[put mouth in gear before brain]
Proverbs 29:20
20 Seest thou a man that is
hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.
The clear lesson here:
the way to control anger is to control your mouth…your tongue!
Joke—I always get the last word…yes dear!
Last argument:
I had her on her hands and knees…come out from under that bed and
fight like a man!
Nothing will reduce stress and tension in the home like getting
control of your words.
When you are mad, angry, upset (and those times will come) keep your
mouth shut! “Be angry, and sin
not!”
What we think:
“maybe I will make my point better if I say it a little louder” (then
they get louder) “or if I add some sarcasm or a cutting insult…then they’ll
get the point!”
You say, "Yeah, but in the
heat of that moment, I can’t control my mouth"…oh yes you can!
Ill—argument
(simulate)/phone rings/ (sweetly) hello!
You can control it if you
want to!
Key:
Proverbs 15:1
1
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up
anger.
Don’t take the bait!
“I’m not biting” It ends
there!
So, learn to laugh /
cultivate contentment / alleviate anger…
4.
Walk
in Wisdom
15:21, 22, 33
We need to do some
prevention, especially if things are good now at home.
Because many times the marriage which started out as the ideal
becomes an ordeal and somebody starts looking for a new deal!
We need to have a real
plan, not just fly by the seat of our pants.
The Bible says that God is not the author of confusion…if your home
is characterized by confusion, understand that God is not in that!
Strife and tension result when there’s confusion, when we’re not on
the same page, when the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is
doing…the result isn’t unity and harmony, it’s division, strife, tension,
and stress!
Problems WILL arise on a
daily basis, that’s normal, but wisdom begs us to start attacking the
problem, together, in unity, and stop attacking each other.
Attack the problem, not the person.
24
Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will
liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
25 And the rain descended,
and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it
fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
26 And every one that heareth
these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish
man, which built his house upon the sand:
27 And the rain descended,
and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it
fell: and great was the fall of it.
You can build your home on
1 of 2 foundations: rock or
sand
The difference is whether or not you put Christ first in your
life/marriage…that's building on The Rock…and when the winds of adversity
blow, and the waves of disappointment roll in, your house will be able to
weather the storm. That’s
walking in wisdom!
And then you can build something beautiful together!
On the foundation of Christ, if your salvation is anything more than
just fire insurance to you, or a tradition, or a duty, if there’s any depth
to your salvation at all, then on top of that rock foundation, you will
build walls of worship, w/ studs of Sunday school and siding of Sunday
night, windows of wed. night attendance.
Paint the interior w/ peace, and carpet w/ contentment.
Build a kitchen of kindness, and stock the shelves well in the pantry
of purity…then hang a chandelier of charity.
A hallway of holiness will often lead you back to a bedroom of bliss!
And make sure and have that special room where the whole family can
bathe in the lather of laughter.
That fireplace of forgiveness will warm the atmosphere, and leads
right up to the roof of repentance which will keep your whole family
sheltered from the storms of sin.
The blessings are right in your own backyard if you want them!
And if you’ll build your house on the rock!
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