Grace Baptist Church Decatur, IL


The Husband's Sacred Duty

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The Husband’s Sacred Duty

Eph. 5:25-32


The best thing we can do for our children is to love our wives!


A picture, an illustration is drawn to help us understand…as Christ loved the church…everything Christ is to the church I am to be to Kimberly…and it all revolves around 2 words:


Loving Leadership

v. 25        read

v. 23        We must provide to our families Godly leadership…not dictatorship/domination…or by coercion…the song says I will serve Thee because I love Thee!

The Bible and submission are not clubs to beat our wives with.  Submission is a response which is to follow love from us, which should come first.


We cannot demand respect and submission…they must be earned.


“Head” in v. 23 does not mean boss…but rather leader. 


H. Gordon Selveridge built one of London’s largest department stores, built upon the philosophy that he was the leader, not the boss…

“the boss drives men, the leader coaches them…the boss depends upon authority…the leader upon goodwill…boss inspires fear, leader enthusiasm, boss says “I”, leader says “we”/boss fixes blame for the breakdown, the leader fixes the breakdown/the boss knows how it is done, the leader shows how it is done/the boss says go, the leader says let’s go.”


That’s good leadership anywhere, even in the home…it’s the difference between cornering your wife, and merely being in her corner!


Through the years, much of the burden of having the right kind of home has been placed on “mother.”  But the Bible places most of the burden squarely in the lap of “Dad.” 

        It is Dad’s responsibility to set the moral and spiritual example for the home/to see to it that the Word of God is honored and revered/take lead in matters of discipline/make sure children are raised in nurture and admonition of the Lord/in church faithfully…greatly increasing their chances of being born again just as soon as they reach the age of accountability (for them).  Thank God for Christian mothers, some of which have many of these responsibilities fall to them…but remember, dad will answer to God for it!


It was Joshua who said, “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”  He was the leader.

Eve may have taken that first bite…but God came looking for Adam!  He was the leader.


The big problems in homes today is not insubmissive women, but men w/ warped views on leadership…if things aren’t right at home, ultimately it’s the man’s fault…at least, God holds him responsible. 


Ill.—The disciples had a recurring problem w/ wondering who’s in charge, who’s the greatest, who’s 2nd in command?  One of those fights broke out at the last supper.  Jesus gave them a stern rebuke…

        …He didn’t strike them w/ leprosy or blindness, no, He took off his outer garment, symbolic of His glory, and put on His apron, symbolic of His humanity, and knelt down and began to wash their dirty, stinky feet…a task reserved in those days for the lowest of slaves.

        He taught them that Headship is servanthood…not a chain of command as much as a chain of responsibility.  And on that day the disciples figured out who the greatest was after all…HIM!


Some men need to go home today and figuratively wash your wife’s feet by saying sorry and making a change.  Take off the manly garments of self-confidence and pride and in lowliness and humility ask what you can do differently, how you can help, what burdens you can ease, etc.


Then there’s the other extreme:  rather than a warped concept of leadership there are some w/ little concept of it at all!  [Men with little or no leadership at all.]  Maybe this guy takes a little leadership in some family matters, but when it comes to things of God he’s just a spiritual wimp!


Joke—man wouldn’t get up Sunday am for church/said there’s 3 reasons:  the church is so cold, nobody likes him, and he just didn’t feel like going…wife replied, I give you 3 reasons you should go:  first, it’s not true, our church is warm, and second, there’s a few there who like you, and third, you’re the Pastor, so get up!


        Well, Eph. 5 is about the man being the spiritual leader…not having to be dragged to church, begged to go to s.s., or reminded to pray!


3 little words:

v. 25        love your wives/v. 28/v. 33


Christ is the example…we are to love our wife the same way He loved the church [bride].


3 types of love Christ gave the Church:

1.               Sacrificial love

Gave Himself for it…everything He had

        And we are to love our wives so much that we’d be willing to die for them! [are you living for her now?]  Just die to selfishness and you’re well on the way to living for her.  Most of us want what we want, when we want it…and many men enter marriage like a tick enters a dog…for what he can get out of it! [but in marriage there’s 2 ticks and no dog!]


A sacrificial love says, there’s nothing so dear to me that I wouldn’t give it up for the sake of my wife. 

Ill.—I asked Kimberly to marry me and she asked if I would sell the “murder-cycle”!


I counsel w/ ladies who say, the kids need winter coats, and he went out and bought another gun, or that boat [gone to meddling?]

“If only he spent the equivalent on me in gifts as he does the dog!”

[sacrificial love…]


2.               Sanctifying love

v. 26-27   talking about sanctifying [elevating] love.


Kimberly is a radiant Christian, and was the day I met her, [God chose me to have His best girl…isn’t she the best?!] but she’s supposed to be a better Christian just because she’s married to me!  I’m to lift her up spiritually, not drag her down!!  [true love always lifts you up!  Teens:  to date someone who drags you down spiritually is to willfully pursue something that is not of God!]



3.               Securing love

v. 28-29   “nourisheth and cherisheth”=securing

Physically protect her

        God help the man who would try to make up for his own insecurities by abusing his wife…or who would let her sacrifice her own self-worth for his sake!

Bible says she is the weaker vessel [not an insult, in the greek it’s not a statement of value, but like silk compared w/ denim, or porcelain next to steel]

        And we are to protect our wives like fine china, realizing she feels things more deeply, and more easily broken!


So you can emotionally protect her when she’s hurting…don’t try to manhandle the situation and “fix” it

[all you do is A, B, C!… “you can take your ABC and…”]

        No, she doesn’t want you to fix it, she wants you to feel it…put your arms around her and bear it w/ her!


And we can spiritually protect our wives by spiritual leadership…we don’t place on her the burden of leading the household spiritually!


Spurgeon:  “When a home is ruled acc’d to God’s Word, angels might be asked to stay w/us, and not find themselves out of their element!”


Sir, your marriage and home should be a taste of heaven on earth…it begins and ends w/ you…give her yourself, loving leadership, sacrifical love/sanctifying/securing love!


All Sermons and Slideshow Presentations Copyright Jerry Shirley and Grace Notes Ministries unless otherwise credited.