Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Married, But Not Best
Friends, pt. 2
Song of Solomon 5:16
The symbolism of Song of Solomon has to do w/
our relationship w/ Christ as His bride.
Now, marriage is the highest level of
relationship created by God…so, friendship ought to reach it’s very zenith in
the context of the marriage relationship.
3 Key words:
1. Companionship
Everybody wants not only someone to be married
to but who will also be their FRIEND!
Friends spend time together, want to be
together [grow fonder, not go wander!], have fun together, and talk together.
They say that the family that prays together
stays together, but just as true is this: the
family that plays together stays together!
How do you spend your leisure time? Going in
different directions is a recipe for disaster!
I ask couples during premarital counseling if
they love each other, and then I ask if they LIKE each other. There is a
difference!
Why is companionship so important?
1. Because it is unhealthy for a
married person to spend the most enjoyable moments of their life in the
company of someone else
2. Because pursuing your own interests
without your spouse demonstrates selfishness
3. Because this will lead to a
fulfilling marriage
4. Because shared experiences lead to
shared feelings
2nd key word:
2. Conversation
v. 16 Our text says “his mouth is most
sweet”. This isn’t suggesting he’s into bubble gum flavored lip balm! She’s
not talking about his physical mouth, and certainly not his breath.
“Halitosis!” [to tune of Hallelujah Chorus…
Rather, he’s sweet in what comes out of
his mouth, his words!
Men, would your wife say that about you. Think
of your conversations just today, or just this week.
Typical scenario: a couple starts to date, and
it’s one looooong conversation all the time. When together, they talk, when
apart, on the phone, or writing letters.
Ill.—Kimberly and I would talk for 2 hours each
Saturday when engaged but apart one summer! And the time flew, and the egg
timer would go off, or the operator would say to deposit quarters I didn’t
have!
“I don’t wanna hang up, you say goodbye
first, ok, we’ll both just say bye and hang up.” [gag]
Then they get married, and the “business” of
being a couple, having an apartment, etc., and jobs starts to take over a lot
of the conversation. And then subjects come up like in laws, finances, kids,
and oh, this seems different than our talks on the phone!
Soon he’s hiding behind a newspaper or staring
at a tv screen saying “uhu” under his breath, and she says, “I miss our talks,
I wanna talk.” He says, “ok, about what?” Well, if you don’t know, then just
nevermind!”
Then she notices he can have good conversation
w/ a friend on the phone or at church.
Ill.—one time Kimberly said of my best friend,
“I guess I’ll just have to call Tom so I can see how your day went!” “OK,
dear….ummm, I mean, know, I’ll tell you!”
Resentment starts to setting in, and then some
guy at work is willing to talk to her, and he not only talks to her, but
listens to her, and he’s not looking at a tv, but into her eyes…he’s focused!
Whoa!
Where’s the next stop for that couple? A
bedroom! And for the married couple? Problem city, and divorce court! And
sadly, then the cheating couple gets married and it starts all over
again…well, it doesn’t have to be that way!
What are some
things close friends do?
·
They share
themselves with each other.
·
They
confide in each other.
·
They learn
more about each other.
·
They
discuss their innermost thoughts, ideas, and goals with each other.
Close friends talk!
Proverbs 27:9
Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so
doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. [communication]
How many of you men just love it when your wife
wears a certain perfume? This verse says that as pleasant as that sense is
for you, that’s how your wife feels when you really talk to her.
Typically, women have a greater need for
conversation than men do. It helps her feel united to and bonded w/ her man.
It helps her feel loved and cared for.
And when a man ignores her all day, acting like
Archie Bunker, and then suddenly at 10 PM turns into Rudolf Valentino, it
makes her feel cheap and used.
The goal of courtship
is 2 fold:
·
To get to
know each other better.
·
To convey
how much we love each other.
Why should these goals be dropped after the
wedding?
We have no problem talking during courtship.
But many of us are very goal driven and “conquer-oriented”, and after the
wedding it’s like, “ok, mark that one off the list…she’s mine”.
Men, let’s set a new goal now that she married
us…the new goal is not getting her, it’s keeping her!
Marriage counselors say couples not only need
to talk…but they need to talk at least 1 hour per day! “I can’t believe you
just said that in front of my wife!”
But the average couple doesn’t talk 1/10th
of that, and that’s adding up all the business and “survival” talk, which
doesn’t even count! We’re talking about just regular friendship talk. “well,
I told her I loved her once, and if I change my mind I’ll let her know!”
The TV is the main enemy in most homes, and 1
hour is nothin’ then.
Why do couples stop talking?
·
Too busy with
work—I know sometimes we’re held over or something comes up…but when that’s
the rule rather than the exception, it begins to fill out the death
certificate for your marriage.
·
Different
interests—covered that last week.
·
Selfishness—we
develop other priorities we consider more important, but they’re not!
·
Fighting—some
don’t cope well w/ problems, and their conversations often turn into fights,
so they stop wanting to talk.
Enemies of good
conversation:
·
Using words as
punishment.
Ephes. 4:29
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of
your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may
minister grace unto the hearers.
Words can never be taken back.
“Boys flying kites call in their wide-winged
birds,
but you cannot do the same with flying words.”
Never once have I regretted the mean words I
held in when I was angry, but often I’ve regretted things I let fly! Now, we
should talk, but not until we can say it properly!
·
Using words to
force agreement [w/ your way of
thinking]
James 1:19
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every
man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
Is anything more annoying than someone wanting
to force their way upon you, and they are always right? I’ve learned this
even as a preacher. I can’t force anybody to believe anything. And some will
agree outwardly just so you’ll shut up! [Hey, don’t say amen to that!]
·
Dwelling on
mistakes, past or present
Philip. 3:13
Brethren, I count not myself to have
apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are
behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before…
Some develop a critical spirit to the point
that you feel you can’t do anything right…because they want to find a problem.
Some do this w/ the pastor. They don’t like
something, but they don’t talk about it, at least not w/ him, but they hold it
in, and in time they develop a “closed spirit” toward him, and he can’t do
anything right. I mean, he could call down fire from heaven and they’d
complain that the room was too hot! I could hand some people a $20 bill and
they’d scoff at why I didn’t make it 2 tens!
And in a marriage, if we hold things in, we can
develop this closed off spirit that builds and builds until it final explodes
like a volcano!
Joke—one man was so critcal of his wife, she
couldn’t do anything right. She said, “even a clock that is stopped is right
once a day!” He said, “actually dear, it’s twice!”
Friends of good
conversation:
·
Undivided
attention
1 Peter 3:8
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having
compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
Often in my messages I say “look this way”.
Because it’s common courtesy to look at someone who is talking to you. Sure,
it’s possible to lisen w/out looking, but not as likely, and I want to know
you’re listening!
We tell our kids to look at us when we’re
talking to them, and our spouses deserve the same courtesy.
·
Giving a
response
1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them
according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife…
I’m gonna give away one of my secrets, and now
my wife will know how I operate, but it’s that important I’m letting the cat
out of the bag.
Learn to repeat back to your spouse what they
just said.
Ie: “so, what you’re saying is: ….”?
Am I hearing you right? What you’re trying to
tell me is…
Obviously, we’re talking about meaningful
conversation, not just, “so, you’re saying hand me a tissue, right?”
But rather, “you’re saying you were hurt when I
commented on your hair, ok, I’m sorry.”
Often when I do this, she says, “actually, no
that’s not what I’m saying…”
So, it helps to clarify…but it also
demonstrates, “I’m listening.”
Scenario: wife only gets grunts from husband,
so she storms out of the room mad. And he says, “what’s the matter, I didn’t
say anything!”
Exactly.
Just as important as what we say is what we
don’t say.
Sometimes we just don’t want to talk about
something, but maybe our spouse does.
·
Respecting
their opinion
Again, I Pet. 3:7- “giving honor”. Women’s
intuition is not a myth…they have a sort of esp when it comes to moods, facial
expressions, and body language.
Ill.—my wife picks up on much that I miss, and
is usually right!
·
Speaking in
love and with kindness
Col. 4:6
Let your speech be alway with grace,
seasoned with salt…
Adjectives to avoid: harsh, brash, unkind,
cocky, arrogant, belittling, painful…these are all the opposite of our text, a
mouth that is sweet.
·
Talking
just to talk
We don’t have to have a reason, or big business
going down. It doesn’t have to be a desperate situation that has arisen.
Just talking for the sake of talking, maybe about nothing…or how about this,
just for fun between friends!
Ill.—husband raises eyebrows and gets a gleam
in his eye and says, “you wanna turn in early and go back to our room?”
Imagine her replying, “why, are we trying for another child?”
·
Positive
praising
Proverbs 31:28
Her children arise up, and call her
blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Read Song of Solomon: before he ever touches
his new bride, he praises her many times over. [7 times]
3 Benefits of conversing:
·
Clearer
understanding of each other
·
Learn how to
meet each other’s needs
·
Become best
friends!
Married, But Not Best
Friends, pt. 2
Song of Solomon 5:16
1. Companionship
The family that p________
together stays together!
2. C______________________
v. 16
Things close friends do
·
They s________
themselves with each other.
·
They c____________
in each other.
·
They l________ more
about each other.
·
They d____________
their innermost thoughts, ideas, and goals with each other.
Proverbs 27:9
The goal of courtship:
·
To get to k______
each other better.
·
To c__________ how
much we love each other.
Why do couples stop talking?
·
Too busy with w______
·
Different i________________
·
S____________________
·
F______________
Enemies of good conversation:
·
Using words as
p__________________ Ephes. 4:29
·
Using words to f________
agreement James 1:19
·
Dwelling on m______________
Philip. 3:13
Friends of good conversation:
·
U________________
attention 1 Peter 3:8
·
Giving a r______________
1 Peter 3:7
·
Respecting their
o____________ I Pet. 3:7
·
Speaking in love and with
k______________ Col. 4:6
·
Talking j______ to
talk
·
Positive p______________
Proverbs 31:28
3 Benefits of conversing:
·
C____________ understanding of each other
·
Learn how to m______
each other’s n________
·
Become b______
f____________!
Married, But Not Best
Friends, Pt. 3
Song of Solomon 5:16
3 Key Words to unlocking the door of marital
friendship:
·
Companionship—time together. New info: wives—share in your husband’s work…he finds much of his
identity in his job
·
Conversation—talking together. Women need more of this, so men have to grow in this area.
3rd word tonite:
·
Commitment—trying
together. We talk much about this, and
often, because it’s so important, and so lacking.
For our friendship to
continue and grow, there must be a mutual respect for each
other. This is true for any friendship.
I’ve done my share of marriage counseling, and
often when I see troubled relationships, I see people who don’t respect each
other. And just the opposite is true in strong marriages—they have a very
high degree of respect for each other.
There’s things I can do to lose the respect of
my wife, and there’s things I can do to gain respect…and the same is true in
reverse.
There’s many symptoms of lack of respect, but a
very common one is “name calling.” The names hurt, but they’re not the real
problem…the real problem is the lack of respect which led to it.
Ill.—TV has us programmed to call names
[Everybody Loves Raymond—“idiot”].
I worked 6 years for Steve Proctor, and made
some fine mistakes during that time. He probably wanted to strangle me at
times, but didn’t because I was pretty quick back then!
J
Seriously, I could get him mad for sure, but never once did he lower himself
to call me a name. Know why? Because he always maintained a basic respect
for me, seeing the potential even in the midst of a problem. Working hand in
hand, spending hours together all the time, I could get pretty frustrated w/
him, but I never resorted to calling him names. Know why? Yeah, I wanted to
keep my job! But more so because of my respect for his position.
Your spouse should have a position of respect
in your mind. They’re your only spouse…right? And no matter what happens,
their position should affect our disposition.
I have never once called my wife a name…[that I
didn’t come to regret it!]
6 areas of
commitment that will help build mutual respect:
[All the verses we’ll look at deal w/
friendship in marriage. And true friends will have commitment to these 6
things.]
1. Commitment to
sacrifice
John 15:13
Greater love hath no man than this, that a
man lay down his life for his friends.
Think about this: if a true friend is known by
being willing to lay down their life for someone they love, shouldn’t they be
willing to sacrifice their time for them? A hobby? Compromise on a
disagreement?
“When Time is no Longer”--By Jack Hyles
When I give you my time, I am giving you my
life, for time is life. If one takes the life of another, actually he takes
only time from him. Murder is simply taking from a person the amount of time
that he would have lived anyway. So in a real sense, when I give to you my
time, I am giving to you my life, for time is life.
How much more could I honor you than to give
you my time? How much more could you honor me than to give me your time? My
time with you is an investment. Your time with me is an investment. Let us
care for each other's investment wisely.
If I spend some time with you, I am giving you
a gift that can be given only to YOU! The moment that I give to you I will
never have again. Once it is given, it can never be given to another. Such a
realization should cause us to appreciate moments spent as friends, for a
moment given to me by a friend is not only his giving to me of his life, but
also something which he can give to no other person and which can never be
given again.
For you to give me a moment, or for me to give
you a moment, is to exchange the only moment that we actually know we have. We
are only promised the present. When we share the present with each other, we
are giving to each other the only moment that we have for sure. There may
never be another.
The giving of a moment to a friend is a
greater gift than Heaven can give. If I spend a moment with you in Heaven,
it will not be subtracted from time, for there is no time there. In Heaven I
will not be giving you my life, for life is eternal there. Here is an
earthly gift that I may give you that I cannot give you in Heaven, for to
spend a moment there is not a sacrifice. May I then never take lightly the
time you give to me, and may you never take lightly the time I give to you.
We should be willing to make sacrifices
mutually for one another.
Joke—old married couple, really up in years,
got out of car, he opened door for her, she took his arm, they walked slowly
into McD’s, she sat, he went up to the counter, got 1 hamburger, 1 order of
fries, small coke, walked over and sat down, cut burger in half, gave her
half, counted out fries and gave her half, then he started eating his half as
she just watched, never taking a bite of her half. A man, watching, said,
‘this is the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen…can I just buy you another meal, my
treat? You shouldn’t have to share.’ ‘Oh, we share everything’, they
replied. He continued eating, she just sat there. Man came back and said,
I’m gonna have to go soon, just wondering why you haven’t started eating
ma’am. She said, ‘Don’t worry, I will, we share everything.’ Ok. 5 more
minutes went by…the man nervously glanced from his watch to the lady…finally
he burst out, ‘what are you waiting for?’ ‘The teeth!’
[We share everything!]
1. Commitment to sacrifice…
2. Commitment to
closeness
This doesn’t happen by
accident…only on purpose!
Proverbs 18:24
A man that hath friends must shew himself
friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Apart from my Savior, I have no closer friend
than my spouse. But I hear wives say ‘he’s closer to his mom than to me’.
[buddies / coworkers] Or,
‘she’s closer to her girlfriends than to me’.
‘She tells them things she doesn’t tell me.’ ‘She cares more about our
children than she does me.’
Remember, of no other relationship does God
say, ‘they two shall be one flesh.’ Children suffer when mom and dad aren’t
right w/ each other. The best thing we can do for our kids is to nurture our
marriages!
How close are you to your spouse? Rate it on a
1 to 10 scale. Amazing indeed is how many guys say ‘8’ and their wife says
‘2’. The only way to do it is on purpose. Left alone w/out a goal, married
people drift apart.
Marriages don’t fall apart,
they drift apart.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old man with three
wonderful children. They are all grown and in their 20s. (Yes, we had them
young.) I have been married for 23 years and things have been good between my
wife and me.
About a year ago, my wife -- who is an
accountant -- decided she wanted to try real estate. She took a class, got her
license, and now sells real estate part time. She's doing so well at it that
she plans on quitting her accounting job soon and concentrating on real estate
full time.
My problem is I have been having empty nest
syndrome, and now my wife is working every weekend. On week nights, I sit and
watch TV by myself while she works away on her computer. On the weekends I try
to keep busy doing jobs around the house and cleaning, but I'm bored, lonely
and depressed. I have mentioned this to my wife; she says I should find a
hobby.
Abby, I don't want a hobby. I want to be with
my wife. She absolutely loves her new job and talks about it constantly. I
don't want to ask her to quit her job, because she would resent me for it.
(And no, I don't want to sell real estate with her.) Any suggestions?
We must stay on guard not to allow this to
happen to us!
1. Commitment to sacrifice…
2. Commitment to closeness…
3. Commitment to
honesty
Proverbs 27:6
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but
the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
What a powerful and great verse! Some people
sugar coat everything, and gloss over the truth. They say what you want to
hear, not what you need to hear. A friend will tell you the truth, even when
the truth hurts. Speaking it in love helps. Many pulpits are saying what
people want to hear, rather than what they need to hear!
Friends are always honest, even when it may not
be easy, comfortable, or pleasant. Nothing will undermine respect in a
marriage like dishonesty. Openness and honesty are such important qualities
in a marriage. If your spouse discovers they can’t trust you to tell the
truth, they will not respect you, period. It’s so disappointing to find out
someone has lied to you.
3 types of liars:
·
Born
liar—like Lucille Ball, habitually lying
about everything—the money, the kids, dinner, new clothes…and Ricky doesn’t
respect her because of it. It seems funny or cute on TV, but not in real
life! A compulsive liar has formed a habit of constantly deceiving, almost a
subconscious power trip of holding the truth away from others. They lie when
it serves a purpose, and even when it doesn’t.
Joke—Principal tries reverse psychology on
little Johnny, who claims he shot 10 twelve point bucks while hunting.
Principal thinks to himself, ‘I’ll show him how dumb he looks when he lies’.
He said, ‘I was walking thru the woods the other day and a little Chihuahua
started following me, then a bear jumped out at me, but the dog attacked and
killed it, do you believe that?!’ ‘Sure I do, he’s my dog, and that was his 3rd
bear this week!’ [Now that’s a liar!]
It’s easy to spot a born liar, during the
dating process. But some say, I’ll change him after we’re married. Nope!
You need to drop him like a hot rock. Dishonesty will torment your marriage!
·
Band-aid
liar—lies to try to fix situations or
get out of trouble, when the pressure is on.
Ill.—Wife calls up the stairs: ‘Honey, did you
remember to set up babysitting like you said you would?’ She can’t see the
look of horror on his face, and then he replies calmly, sure did! Then he
thinks to himself, ‘I gotta remember to do that!’ [that was a close one!]
·
Protector-liar—ie.
lying about finances saying, I don’t want my spouse to have that kind of
pressure. Some people can’t bear to let their spouse know the hard truth.
I’ve known of spouses who don’t know there’s a problem until the police come
to enforce their eviction notice! We hide behind the fact that we don’t
want to hurt them, but it hurts even worse when they realize you have not
been honest!
We’re getting pretty practical about
commitment, and how to earn and keep respect:
1. Commitment to sacrifice…
2. Commitment to closeness…
3. Commitment to honesty…
3 more commitments next
week…
Part 4
Married, But Not Best
Friends, Pt. 3
Song of Solomon 5:16
·
Companionship—time together
·
Conversation—talking together
·
Commitment—t__________
together
For our friendship to continue and
grow, there must be a m__________ r____________
for each other.
Areas of commitment that will help build mutual
respect:
1. Commitment to s________________
John 15:13
2. Commitment to c________________
This doesn’t happen by
a______________ Proverbs
18:24
Marriages don’t fall apart, they
d________ apart
3. Commitment to h______________
Proverbs 27:6
3 types of liars:
·
B______
·
B______-a____
liar
·
P________________-liar
3 more commitments next week…
Married, But Not Best
Friends, Pt. 4
Song of Solomon 5:16
3 Key Words to unlocking the door of marital
friendship:
·
Companionship—time
together.
·
Conversation—talking
together.
·
Commitment—trying
together.
For our friendship to
continue and grow, there must be a mutual respect for each other.
This is true for any friendship.
6 areas of commitment that
will help build mutual respect:
1. Commitment to
sacrifice
2. Commitment to
closeness
3. Commitment to honesty
Now the last 3 areas…
4. Commitment to
prayer
1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them
according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker
vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be
not hindered.
“Weaker” doesn’t mean inferior. Many of us
married way above our heads. It generally means “more delicate.” [there are
a few exceptions in pro wrestling today!] It doesn’t mean less valuable. A
vas is more valuable than a vase, but also much more delicate. Same with silk
as opposed to denim.
“prayers be not hindered” -- Peter here just
assumes that husbands and wives are praying together. But sadly, in many
homes that’s not the case. But praying together brings a spiritual bond…it
takes your marriage to the next level.
We should pray together as well as
separately…for our children and grandchildren. The temptation is great today
for them, and they need our support!
Ill.—trying to raise kids today w/out prayer is
like trying to cut down a tree w/ a chainsaw that’s not running!
Ill.—Missionary D.E. Host took the place in
China of J. Hudson Taylor. He was working w/ 2 villages. He spent most of
his time in one village where he preached and worked and counseled with them.
The other he only made it to once in a great while. But it was thriving
spiritually, and the other was not. He couldn’t figure it out. He asked God
why…and the Lord revealed it to him that since he couldn’t be in both places
he was simply praying mostly for the remote one, while working hard at this
one. Basically, the one village was under his power and the other under
God’s! Prayer is work and we must labor in it!
Prayer can do more in a moment than we can do
in a lifetime. I’m not saying we shouldn’t work w/ our kids and spend time w/
them…but it’s all in vain if we’re not bathing it all in prayer.
Psalm 127:1
Except the Lord build the house, they
labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman
waketh but in vain.
We should also be praying about our finances
and major purchases / decisions…not just running headlong into all our plans.
We have no right to make big decisions w/out
consulting our spouse, and we should, together, ask the Lord about it all as
well.
Commitment to prayer…
5. Commitment to a
good spirit
Job 32:3
Also against his three friends was his
wrath kindled, because they had found no answer, and yet had condemned Job.
They just knew he MUST have done something
wrong. Some people reside in this camp…the “fault vault.” They play the
blame game. These were Job’s “friends.” But a true friend doesn’t turn
against you…they stick w/ you even when you ARE wrong. People will turn
against us at times, but we should always have our best friend at home that’s
always on our team / our side, and keeps a good positive spirit…working
together, attacking the problems, not the person closest by to take aim at!
We’ve focused a lot on men in this series. Now
it’s the ladies’ turn.
Ladies: in case you haven’t noticed, men have
big egos!
Men thrive on their woman’s admiration. Women
need attention, men need admiration. Women need love, men need respect.
Women want leadership, and men want a following!
How do you show your man admiration? By the
way you treat him. We’re not talking about bowing down and kissing his
feet…that will go to his head and he won’t be a very “fungi” to be with!
But many women make their man feel inferior,
and put him in a conveniently low place where she likes to keep him. A
critical spirit makes him feel like he can’t do anything right…his courage and
confidence wane as she makes him feel like a little boy. Some ladies think
this will be motivational, and then are shocked when he finds someone else who
makes him feel like a man / important.
Your husband needs your praise and admiration.
He needs to know that when there’s no one else in the world rooting for
him…that you are!
Ill.—youth activity / leader announces a game
and the guys say it’s dumb / then they say the girls get into it and they rise
to an all new level! It even happens in our adulthood. I can bench press
more when my wife is watching…I start actually adding weights ONTO the bar!
People leave in a rush after church on Sunday
mornings. And maybe no one tells me that was a good sermon, but if I go home
and my wife says it, then that’s all that matters…so I just follow her around
and hint until she says it!
Unless they were raised by a father who really
praised and reinforced them…most men have a very fragile self image. You’ll
accomplish much more change in your man by praise than by criticism / nagging.
It’s amazing how often you hear of a guy having
an affair w/ someone who is far less attractive than their wife. Why is
this? I mean, he falls for someone who doesn’t compare…she could make a
freight train take a dirt road! Why? The lady is left scratching her head
saying, “what does she have that I don’t?”
You want to dramatically reduce the likelihood
of your husband ever having an affair? Here’s a Bible perspective for you:
“Strange woman” in Proverbs doesn’t mean
“weird.” It’s “the temptress.”
Proverbs 2:16
To deliver thee from the strange woman,
even from the stranger which flattereth with her words;
She tempts not w/ her body, but w/ her words.
She tells him how funny he is, how strong, how smart…and he turns to
butter…he’s tied around her little finger.
Proverbs 5:3-5
For the lips of a strange woman drop as an
honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: [4] But her end is bitter as
wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword. [5] Her feet go down to death; her steps
take hold on hell.
Proverbs 7:21
With her much fair speech she caused him to
yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.
Proverbs 7:4
Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and
call understanding thy kinswoman:
Why do we need wisdom? To keep us from the
strange woman!
Ladies: want to keep him at home and keep the
fire burning? Build him up…you’re his help meet! Let him know he’s your
hero. Every man wants to be somebody’s hero…he might as well be yours instead
of someone else’s!
3 Ways to Never Change Your
Husband:
·
Nagging—it
usually makes it worse.
·
Criticizing—esp.
in front of others…this erodes his confidence. Criticism makes men
defensive…you’ll catch more flies w/ honey!
·
Physical
punishment—that’s right…maybe not fists or rolling pins, but by withholding
marital relations…using sex as a weapon.
1 Cor. 7:3-5
Let the husband render unto the wife due
benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. [4] The wife hath
not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath
not power of his own body, but the wife. [5] Defraud ye not one the other,
except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting
and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your
incontinency.
You’re inviting an affair!
How will husbands respond
when these 3 weapons are pulled on them?
·
Some clam
up—don’t want to be around you…so they
look for things to do away from home.
·
Some blow
up—react in violence to let off the
steam that has built up.
·
Some give
up—60% of marriages today prove this!
What can you do, ladies?
Pray for him. Don’t take it all into your own
hands…realize God can do more for him in a moment than you could do in your
lifetime!
Praise him.
1 Peter 3:1-4
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to
your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the
word be won by the conversation of the wives; [2] While they behold your
chaste conversation coupled with fear. [3] Whose adorning let it not be that
outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting
on of apparel; [4] But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is
not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the
sight of God of great price.
Commitment to prayer, and a good spirit…
6. Commitment to
unconditional love
“It’s not love that sustains your
commitment…it’s commitment that sustains your love”
Contrary to what Hollywood says…love is
not a feeling, it’s a commitment, a promise, a job!
Married, But Not Best
Friends, Pt. 4
Song of Solomon 5:16
·
Companionship—time
together
·
Conversation—talking
together
·
Commitment—trying together
For our friendship to continue and
grow, there must be a mutual respect for each other.
6 areas of commitment that will help build
mutual respect:
1. Commitment to sacrifice
2. Commitment to closeness
3. Commitment to honesty
4. Commitment to p__________
1 Peter 3:7, Psalm 127:1
5. Commitment to a g______
s__________ Job 32:3,
Proverbs 2:16; 5:3-5;
7:21; 7:4
3 Ways to Never Change Your Husband:
·
N____________
·
C____________________
·
P______________ punishment 1 Cor. 7:3-5
How will husbands respond?
·
Some c______ up
·
Some b______ up
·
Some g______ up
1 Peter 3:1-4
6. Commitment to
u________________________ love
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